Self Control and Actions
Self-control in our actions
Here at True Balance Karate in Downers Grove, Illinois, we have a social-emotional learning program called True Character.
I’m Master H, the owner and chief instructor here at the studio. I have two master’s degrees in education, and we’ve developed this curriculum to meet the needs of our youngest students who are three or four and our oldest student who is 85.
Recap
We have been talking about self-control this month. We remind the kids to stop and think of their choices before they act. We started off the month by defining what self-control was. Then we talked about what it looks like to interrupt and how we show self-control that way. Last week, we talked about self-control with our bodies and our big emotions and how we keep that in check.
Self-Control and Lying
This week, we’re talking about some more of those actions. Specifically, impulsively lying—one of those things that just happens, right? You ask somebody if they cleaned their room, and they’ll tell you they did—probably not. It’s just what happens, right?
There are some things that we can’t help ourselves but to say, “Wasn’t me.” Maybe we’re embarrassed. Maybe we’re somewhat ashamed. Maybe we don’t want to face the consequences. It doesn’t matter how old you are; you’re going to impulsively lie, and then you have to make it right and apologize the way we talked about apologizing last week.
For our younger students, it’s similar to interrupting in the idea of teaching them strategies and skills to handle it when they impulsively lie. “Did you clean your room?” “Yep, I cleaned my room.” Then I go up and look, and the room is still dirty, there’s stuff everywhere, and things haven’t been done.
Tools to Make it Right
Giving them tools like, “Can I have a do-over, please?” and then answering the question. Or maybe the word is “rewind”—”I’d like to rewind.” Then they tell you the actual truth that way. Giving them some type of ability to go back and fix what they did is a good first step in teaching them that it’s better to tell the truth.
One of the rules that we had in our house was that the consequences of lying were much worse than if you were just honest with us in the first place.
Case in point: I remember my daughter breaking her phone. Her screen cracked. She gave me some crazy story about it falling onto a pillow, which I knew wasn’t true. We said, “Okay, let’s go get it fixed. You have to pay for it.” The next day, she came and said, “You know what? I lied. It didn’t fall that way. This is what happened,” and she told me the truth. I said, “Great. Here’s the thing. I would’ve split the cost of fixing the phone with you, but because I knew you lied, you have to cover the whole thing.”
That was her consequence. That was what she had to do for it. She understood that and could see where she had messed up. It wasn’t a thing that ended in an argument. It was one of those things where it was just black and white. I knew she did this. She knew she did this. She rectified it, rewound, did things over, had a conversation with us, and owned up to her mistake.
Healthy Strategies
If we are trying to help our kids—and ourselves, for that matter—not just impulsively lie, we want to have those types of strategies in place for them. “Rewind.” Or “Do over.” Or “Can I try again?” or “Wait, that wasn’t it. I’m sorry. Here’s what happened.”
At the end of the day, going through all of these different self-control strategies—for our emotions, thoughts, speech, interrupting—you name it, helps us be calmer. It helps us be consistent in how we feel. It helps us know that other people trust us because what we say is what we’re going to do.
It helps to be honest and show respect. It also shows responsibility. You’re responsible for your things and yourself, which means you’re showing self-control. Demonstrating that we think about our choices before we act is actually the more responsible thing so that we can continue to have positive interactions with each other.
I hope you’ve enjoyed our talk on self-control. Thanks, and I’ll see you on the mat!
True Balance Karate was founded in 2012 by Master Sue and Paul Helsdon.
We offer kids karate lessons for pre-school children ages 3-6 and elementary age kids ages 7 and up. These lessons are designed to develop the critical building blocks kids need — specialized for their age group — for school excellence and later success in life.
Our adult martial arts training is a complete adult fitness and conditioning program for adults who want to lose weight, get (and stay) in shape, or learn self-defense in a supportive environment.
Instructors can answer questions or be contacted 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 630-663-2000. You can also contact us here. True Balance Karate is at 406 Ogden Ave Downers Grove Illinois, 60515 (next to CVS) Check out our Facebook!