Now What?

Now what?

Here at True Balance Karate in Downers Grove, Illinois, we have a social emotional learning program called True Character.

I’m Master H, the owner and chief instructor here at the studio. I have two master’s degrees in education, and we’ve developed this curriculum to meet the needs of our youngest students who are three or four, and our oldest student who is 86.

Recap

And this month we are talking about anger management.

When I am angry, I can respond in a healthy way. And we started off defining what anger was. A lot of times we use the word angry to cover a whole host of negative emotions, whether it’s frustration or disappointment or just stuff not going our way. And it just makes us angry, right? We just use it as a giant label for things.

And so it’s a matter of really defining what that looks like and defining what is angry and what is frustration and what is disappointment, because all of those feelings are valid, but we have to know what feeling we’re actually dealing with in order to manage it better.

And then we talked about how being angry feels in our body. And then we talked about what it’s like in our brain and some calming strategies that we’ve got. And like I said, all of these feelings are valid when we’re putting in calming strategies, when we’re trying to manage this emotion. It’s not about sweeping it under the rug and pretending it doesn’t exist. It’s about embracing it and understanding it and moving forward in a healthy way.

Apologizing Well

How do I make things better? Which is why the question today is now what? You got angry. You threw the toy, you got angry, you threw. I’m suddenly reminded of my mom throwing a glass. You get angry and, and you throw something, you get angry and you said something somewhat hurtful to somebody. You got angry and you lost your patience. Now what?

‘Cause it’s gonna happen. It’s going to happen. I have yelled at my kids in anger at moments. Absolutely, it’s gonna happen. And I think we can all say that that has happened to us, right? And so how do we rectify it? How do we make it better? What happens then? Well, we apologize in a calm, respectful, concise, full acknowledgments of what we’ve done wrong.

Not just, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you because that gives some piece of it, but it doesn’t give all of the piece of it, right? So we have to acknowledge what we did wrong. I’m sorry that I yelled at you. We have to give some kind of thing. One, some reason I lost my patience. I became super angry. I wasn’t thinking straight at the time. Something, not that you’re making excuses for your behaviors, but to give a little bit more light as to what’s happening, not just for them, but for you too. Because when you say it, you’ve actually chosen to analyze it so that you can learn from those mistakes as it goes along.

Making it Right

And then what are you gonna do to actually rectify it? You know, when I yelled at my kids, I’m sorry, I yelled at you. I was super angry and I lost control of what I was feeling, and it came out that way. What is it that you were trying to do right now? Because at the time, they were trying to paint or play with Legos, or build with Play-Doh, I don’t remember what it was. And I was actually more angry at something different than what it was that they were trying to do. And so my way of trying to make it better was to reengage them in what they had originally come to me for so that we could then move forward in a positive way.

Because again, feelings are valid, being angry is valid. All of that is okay. But what do you do when you’ve lost cool? How do you make it right? How do you work towards making things better?

There’s a picture that I’m reminded of about how you can’t put toothpaste back in the tube of toothpaste once it’s out. You can’t, once you’ve said hurtful things. But how do you utilize the toothpaste in a positive way? How do you make amends when you’ve said those hurtful things?

And that’s what happens. It’s apologizing, it’s finding some activity or the right words, or a hug, something kind that will help along the way when that happens, so that we can manage our anger, we can learn from our mistakes, and we can go forward in a more respectful, kind, responsible way in how we treat each other.

Thanks, and I’ll see you on the mat!

True Balance Karate was founded in 2012 by Master Sue and Paul Helsdon.

We offer kids karate lessons for pre-school children ages 3-6 and elementary age kids ages 7 and up. These lessons are designed to develop the critical building blocks kids need — specialized for their age group — for school excellence and later success in life.

Our adult martial arts training is a complete adult fitness and conditioning program for adults who want to lose weight, get (and stay) in shape, or learn self-defense in a supportive environment.

Instructors can answer questions or be contacted 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 630-663-2000. You can also contact us here. True Balance Karate is at 406 Ogden Ave Downers Grove Illinois, 60515 (next to CVS) Check out our Facebook!