Controlling Ourselves

Controlling ourselves

Here at True Balance Karate in Downers Grove, Illinois, we have a social emotional learning program called True Character. I’m Master H, the owner and chief instructor here at the studio. I have two master’s degrees in education, and we have developed this curriculum to meet the needs of our youngest students who are three or four, and our oldest student who is 86.

Recap

And this month we are talking about self-control. We started off the month defining what self-control looks like. I stop and think of my choices before I act. And then last week we talked about what that might look like if you needed to interrupt somebody, and when was the most appropriate time to actually interrupt.

Controlling Emotions

And then this week we’re talking about demonstrating self-control with ourselves, right?

If you’ve ever been out in public, you’ve probably witnessed a child having a temper tantrum because that’s what they do. They do, and they have huge emotions and they haven’t yet figured out how to stop and think because they haven’t developed the language skills or they haven’t developed the prediction of how things are gonna go. And so they have all of this feeling going on, and they don’t know how to get it out. And then they throw a temper tantrum. They may scream, they may throw a fit, they may throw something. Who knows what it looks like. Each kid’s different that way.

Calming Strategies

And so as adults, it’s up to us to teach some self-control strategies of how do we control our bodies? Do we take deep breaths that might work for some kids? Do we have a special mantra or a special phrase that we use to repeat to ourselves again and again? I am calm and in control. I am calm and in control to help get past. It could be, is there a special toy, blanket, something that they can latch onto and feel grounded and safe for a moment? Could be.

But it’s a matter of giving them strategies and skills to help understand how to control their bodies. Fidgeting, tapping pencils – all of those things can also be ways that older students and adults show their nervousness, their anxiousness, their need to get out extra energy. So it’s those kinds of things that we need to be aware that we’re not even doing.

I myself am a person that rubs my foot back and forth. That is my lost self-control for a moment. And my foot is just going back and forth and then all of a sudden I’m like, what am I doing? So I brought myself back into control, thought about what’s happening, and then took a brief walk around my kitchen table so that I could get out the feelings that I’m feeling, because that’s a strategy that works for me.

Emotional Awareness

As adults, we need to be aware of when those types of behaviors take place. As adults, when we’re dealing with young kids, we need to be aware and watch for some of those things and help guide them and see that they’re about to have some big emotions. Sometimes they’re gonna catch us off guard like it did for me when my daughter threw a fit in the middle of the grocery store. Wasn’t expecting it, thought she was in a great mood, something wasn’t right. And then she lost control for a moment and was crying and screaming, and I had to remain calm and talk her through it so that she could continue on the way so that we could finish our grocery shopping.

Healthy Recovery

So when we’re doing this, it’s a matter of teaching them some of those strategies, giving them some of those skills. And when it’s all done, teaching them what to do to make it right. You’ve lost control. What do you do now? You stop. You think. You evaluate. Did I throw something? Do I need to go pick it up and put it away? Did I scream things I shouldn’t have? I need to go and apologize and say that I’m sorry and actually say it in a voice that means it and what you’re gonna do to make it right. Did we run off and stomp and slam our door? How do we make that right? What do we have to do then? You know? So it’s one of those things that you have to step back and understand. What is the mistake you just made? How do you make it better?

You have to have some of that self-awareness of what choices you made in the moment so that you can make those more positive choices afterwards.

Making it Right

So we’re gonna continue talking about that next week. We’re talking about how sometimes we lose self-control and impulsively lie, and we’re gonna talk more about what we do to make that right when that’s happened too. But today, it was all about us physically maintaining self-control, setting up some of those strategies, looking around and figuring out how we make it right for those around us.

Thanks, and I’ll see you on the mat!

True Balance Karate was founded in 2012 by Master Sue and Paul Helsdon.

We offer kids karate lessons for pre-school children ages 3-6 and elementary age kids ages 7 and up. These lessons are designed to develop the critical building blocks kids need — specialized for their age group — for school excellence and later success in life.

Our adult martial arts training is a complete adult fitness and conditioning program for adults who want to lose weight, get (and stay) in shape, or learn self-defense in a supportive environment.

Instructors can answer questions or be contacted 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 630-663-2000. You can also contact us here. True Balance Karate is at 406 Ogden Ave Downers Grove Illinois, 60515 (next to CVS) Check out our Facebook!