Adapting Too Much

Can we adapt too much?

Here at True Balance Karate in Downers Grove, Illinois, we have a social-emotional learning program called True Character. I’m Master H, the owner and chief instructor here at the studio. I have two master’s degrees in education, and we have developed this curriculum to meet the needs of our youngest students, who are three or four and our oldest student who is 85.

This month, we are talking about adaptability. I am willing and able to change. We started off the month defining what adaptability looks like. We then talked about how we learn and grow adaptability. Last week, we discussed adapting to people and places, putting observation, knowledge, and awareness skills in place so that we can read the body language of the person across from us and understand what we’re supposed to be doing in the particular location we are in.

Too Much Adaptability

That helps with our adaptability as well. But there’s a different side to adaptability I wanted to touch on, and that’s adapting too much.

Giving into the people around you because you want to fit in, or you don’t know how to say no, or you don’t have a different idea to propose. Maybe what they are doing makes you uncomfortable, but you still wind up giving in. There is a point where you can adapt too much.

Teaching Boundaries

Here at the studio, we have a drill where we teach the kids to yell, “No,” but then we also teach them to suggest something completely silly to their friends, and the friend is supposed to say, “No, thank you.” For example, suggest something super silly like playing ball in the middle of a busy street. We all know it’s not safe, so suggest something silly. Then, the kids practice saying, “No, thank you. I don’t want to do that.”

This drill gives them an idea of safety in saying no thank you and allows them to practice it in a lighthearted way instead of a frightening one. We don’t want to scare them; we want them to feel comfortable saying no thank you to something they know isn’t right. This way, they don’t feel they must give in just to fit in with what their friends are doing. It’s about growing their level of confidence so they can recognize when something might not be safe, something is not of value to them, or something is simply not of interest.

People Pleasing

Adults sometimes have trouble with this too. I’m one of those people who can be a bit of a people pleaser. I want to help others and ask, “What do you need right now?” But I’ve had to learn to set healthy boundaries as an adult. I’ve learned how to say, “No, thank you,” or, “I can’t get to that right now; I’ll consider it next week.” This gives me time to think and respond thoughtfully.

When we teach setting healthy boundaries, knowing our values, and saying no thank you firmly but politely, it helps kids, adults, and teenagers alike. It teaches them to set boundaries, to mean what they say, and to convey that clearly to others.

Maintaining Boundaries

We also have conversations with kids, asking them what they could suggest instead. For example, instead of playing ball in the middle of the street, they could suggest playing in the backyard. This builds courage, confidence, and power to say, “No, I’m good,” and to balance adapting with maintaining personal boundaries. It also invites others to adapt to you.

So, while adaptability is important, so is recognizing your own needs and setting limits. Choose to adapt when it’s beneficial, but also choose to say, “No, thank you,” when something isn’t right for you. This allows us to continue building healthy, positive relationships with each other.

I hope you’ve enjoyed our talk on adaptability. Thanks, and I’ll see you on the mat!

True Balance Karate was founded in 2012 by Master Sue and Paul Helsdon.

We offer kids karate lessons for pre-school children ages 3-6 and elementary age kids ages 7 and up. These lessons are designed to develop the critical building blocks kids need — specialized for their age group — for school excellence and later success in life.

Our adult martial arts training is a complete adult fitness and conditioning program for adults who want to lose weight, get (and stay) in shape, or learn self-defense in a supportive environment.

Instructors can answer questions or be contacted 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 630-663-2000. You can also contact us here. True Balance Karate is at 406 Ogden Ave Downers Grove Illinois, 60515 (next to CVS) Check out our Facebook!